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This Santa Really Can Tell How To Drink And Hack Your Hangover

One camel does not make fun of another camel’s hump

Every year, Santa shows up with the same cheerful smile, glowing cheeks, and suspiciously good energy for someone who works one night a year. But this time? Things are a little different. Apparently, Santa isn’t just the guy who brings gifts — he’s also the unofficial expert on drinking responsibly and surviving the next morning like a true holiday veteran.

And honestly? It makes sense.
If anyone knows how to handle chaos, late nights, and questionable decisions, it’s definitely Santa.

Santa’s Secret? He’s Seen Everything

Forget the classic image of Santa going from house to house with cookies and milk. Real adults know the truth: people don’t always leave milk out. In many homes, Santa has been offered something a little stronger — a glass of wine, some fancy whiskey, or that homemade holiday punch that tastes like fruit but hits like regret.

So yeah… Santa has experience.

He Knows When You’re Drinking… And When You’re Drinking Too Much

The “he sees you when you’re sleeping” part was always creepy.
But the “he knows when you’ve been drinking” part?
Completely believable.

Santa can apparently tell:

  • who had “just one drink”
  • who mixed everything without thinking
  • who tried to keep up with their cousins
  • who drank on an empty stomach (rookie mistake)

He doesn’t judge — but he does shake his head like a disappointed uncle.

His Hangover Hacks Are Surprisingly Good

According to this new version of Santa, the man has a list of tried-and-tested tricks to survive the morning after a festive night. And honestly? They’re so good they might have saved Christmas more than once.

Here are the rumors:

Hydration is king

Santa swears by drinking water between drinks.
Adults swear they’ll try it every year… and forget every year.

Don’t mix drinks… ever

Santa says mixing drinks is like mixing emotions — messy and unnecessary.

Eat before the party

Not after you’re already dizzy and holding a plate of snacks like your life depends on it.

Sleep is the real healer

He works one night a year. He knows the power of sleep.

Greasy food the next morning? Approved.

Eggs, toast, fries — Santa says it’s basically magic.

Santa Also Knows the Hangover Personalities

Apparently, he can predict exactly what kind of hungover person you’ll be:

  • The Silent Sufferer – sits quietly, drinks water, thinks about life decisions.
  • The Overthinker – apologizes for things they didn’t even do.
  • The “Never Drinking Again” Liar – says it every year.
  • The Survivor – eats breakfast like a hero and feels fine by noon.

Santa’s favorite?
The ones who actually learn from last year… which is maybe three people total.

So Why Is Santa an Expert at This?

Simple:
When you deliver gifts to millions of people, travel across time zones, eat hundreds of cookies, and deal with reindeer who definitely don’t follow instructions…
you either develop coping strategies or you fall apart.

Santa chose survival.

Santa Just Wants You To Have Fun (Responsibly)

This new version of Santa isn’t here to lecture you.
He’s just the wise old guy telling you:

  • enjoy your holidays
  • don’t drink like you’re still 18
  • and for the love of Christmas, drink some water

Because nothing ruins the holiday spirit faster than waking up feeling like you got run over by Rudolph.

So if Santa really can tell how you drink — and knows exactly how to fix the morning after — maybe that’s the Christmas magic adults actually needed.

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Written by Bilabubu

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