Bilabubu
In life, there are some things that we swear never lose their luster — until we try them again and find ourselves tumbling back to earth like pigtailed toddlers in a teeter-totter. At some point, you’d think we would learn, but for some reason we keep giving these things second chances like we are in an abusive relationship with reality.
Then there are these nine things, stuff that forever lets us down time and time again even though we act like it’s the first freaking time.
1. Winning Leftovers You Were So Psyched to Eat
You peek in the fridge and think, “Tonight’s dinner is going to be great.”
Two minutes in the microwave and half the plate is hot molten lava, while the other half is cold as if it had just been dug up from Antarctica. That one bite of inconsistent temperature makes the whole effort pointless, but we try again the next day like a bunch of amateurs.
2. App Upgrades That Promise to Only Need “5 Minutes”
The great lie modern technology has ever told.
You take the update thinking you don’t have much time to wait, and without warning your phone is a brick for half an hour. The bar inchings 1% each century. By the time it’s finished, you’ve forgotten why you opened the app.
3. Clothes You Order Online
The photos look perfect. The reviews are ”“true to size.”
And then the package arrives, and those clothes look like they were cut by an alien who has never seen a human body before. You put it on anyway, just to assure yourself that could exhibit your disappointment, and yes — that does not look like the picture.
4. “High-Speed” Wi-Fi
You are paying for the premium plan, the one with a fancy name.
But when you really need it — say, for a video call, to meet a deadline, to perform a basic search — the signal falls back into prehistoric times. Pages take ages to load. Even Google hesitates before answering.
5. The “I’m On My Way” Friend
Everyone has that one friend.
When you tell them, “Two minutes and I am walking out the door,” they’re actually deciding on which shoes to choose from. Or showering. Or probably still in bed. Either way, every plan involves waiting an extra 30 minutes for this person acting, as always, like they haven’t a care in the world.
6. Opening a Bag of Chips
The biggest betrayal of adulthood.
The bag appears to be full, you open it and mostly what’s inside is air. You dig through it to find seven chips and immediately regret your decision. You say you won’t fall for it again … but you do every time.
7. Trying to Sleep Early
You retire early, all mature and responsible.
The second you go to lay your head down on the pillow, it’s like, “Oh hey brain, welcome to consciousness! And that is the end of sleeping early.
8. Weather Apps
You look at the weather from home — not a cloud in sight, zero chance of rain.
You go outside, and it starts raining so hard the heavens appear to have gotten wind of your activities and want to take you on a one-on-one test of planning skill. You also show up with an umbrella and end up looking like you’re ready for a storm that does not materialize.
9. “Just One Episode”
That is the lie we tell each other and ourselves, with unshakeable confidence.
You try to hit play, but you think you know everything. Then rolling right into the next episode, and you’re like: “OK, fine.” Before you know it, it’s 4 in the morning and you’ve suddenly plowed through half the season without understanding how it all went down.
The End… It’s All Life
These are little things, but they do start to add up. And the funny part is:
we know better than to expect anything, but still we hope.
Perhaps it’s what makes life interesting — the small surprises each day that make us laugh, grumble or lose our minds just a little bit.
One thing’s for sure:
we’d all be gold members if disappointment needed loyal customers.
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